just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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