im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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