I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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