I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
