wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
