it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
vagina is talking i cant
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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