Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
