the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
