I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
