i will never coherently bang her
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
