I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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