I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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