forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
