just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
