wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
