also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I fill condoms, not promises.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
