i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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