do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
