I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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