Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
