Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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