You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
