I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
