my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
