I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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