At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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