I am puke
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Success! We fucked roommates!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
