Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
