If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i drank out of a bidet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
