And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
