Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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