I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They have beer where we have blood.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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