and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
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Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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