Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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