her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
