I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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