She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
