He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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