I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
