I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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