No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
