glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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