hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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