I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
