I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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