god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
