I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
