I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
