my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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