he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
