Non-Jews are for practice
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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