i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
