So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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