Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
