I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
40s are totally the cure
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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