I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
