I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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