I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize