Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
